Site

new
old

Me

profile
flickr photos
rings

Contact

notes
mail

Reads

stuff about me
my lil sis's diary
ma kate's diary
LE MOO!
zoe's diary!

Recent

...has been a while... - 11.02.2007
Lots of bollocks about tattoos and piercings... - 14.01.2007
Hip Hop Happy New Year! (a photo entry) - 06.01.2007
MANDYANDENOLA!!! MANDY AND ENOLA!!!! - 14.12.2006
I look Eastern....apparently - 13.12.2006

About Me

My name is louisa, lou, loubee, lube, loubeedoo, loulou le bleu moo moo poo too...thanks kate...I'm 24, from Birmingham, I kinda live with my boyfriend and our 15 month old staffy puppy (fletch)...I'm messed up and full of rage, confident, and outgoing, but shy and a loner at the same time. I'm weird. And I'm proud of it. I waffle too much and I use weird punctuation far too frequently. You don't have to be mental to understand me, but it helps...
more?

Thanks

design
image
host

IT'S ABOUT ME!!! FINALLY!!!


...written on 08.04.2006, @ 3:56 p.m.

I've been wanting to write something like this for a while but I've not had the time or motivation...it's been way too long, but here it is, my thoughs about me, the things I do, the things I love, the things I hate, the people and creatures in my life...me! I'm going to look back and see how it changes. Could be interesting!


My name is Louisa Joan Priscilla Goring�and I�ve hated it most of my life. Now I can just about stand it. When people take the piss, rather than feeling embarrassed I tell them where to stick it!

O.o.O

People ask if my parents were Elvis fans�but my middle names are my Grandmothers� names. I have come to terms with the horrors of my name since they�ve passed away.

O.o.O

I�m 5�3�or 5�4...or 5�5, the doctor can�t seem to decide�

O.o.O

I have long long hair that is mostly straight and a little fluffy. It�s dark brown up to about 4 inches from my roots, where the dye stops and the mousey horridness begins. Guinea Gold my nan used to call it�Yuk is what I call it.

O.o.O

I�ve been dying my hair for the past 11 years�first red, then I dabbled in blonde (it made me look very red-faced and chav-like) and then I tried to dye it dark brown but my super-porous hair decided it�d go BLACK instead. People at uni didn�t recognise me and my friend�s little girl asked her if I was Snow White�cute :o) now it�s toned down a bit and kind of growing out.

O.o.O

I want to carry on dying it but I hate my root re-growth and I HATE having to pay stupid amounts of money for some guy (albeit, a very good looking, gentle-handed guy) to dye it for me�

O.o.O

I�m NEVER dying it myself ever again, not since I walked into a salon and was greeted with the words �Oh my GOD! What have you done to your hair???��black hair with an inch of ginger roots is NOT a good look I can tell you now.

O.o.O

I�m supremely jealous of anyone with dark glossy hair all of their very own�keep back, I may be in a scalping mood!

O.o.O

I�m just supremely jealous�

O.o.O

I�m going out with Matt�Matty�Matt the Tatt�Tatty Bear�Love Bug�Monkey Boy�My Cum Buddy�and have been (On and off�through loud and louder) for about two years. We argue quite a lot and we have our problems, but I love him lots and I know he loves me. We�re really similar and think/say the same things all the time. I think that�s where all our grief begins!!

O.o.O

We met at a paintball site where I worked; he was there for a birthday party and I got talking to him when he brought back a pair of ripped overalls that were exposing a new tatt. I tried to tell him it was a bad idea to play paintball with your leg freshly tattooed, and he assured me he could just �whack some more ink in� if it got ruined. I was taken with him, he was more taken with me�he was working there by the next week.

O.o.O

When we first got together I was convinced he was the one�I had our wedding pictures planned and when I told him about it he�d been thinking the same thing...it felt right then, but now I�m not so sure. I still think he�s the one, I think we�ve gotten lost somewhere along the way.

O.o.O

We have a 7 month old Staffy/English terrier puppy called Fletch (another one of Matt�s nicknames) and let me tell you this now�dogs + flats = lots of anti-bac and scrubbing. Fletch likes: barking loudly, eating, running around, sticks, chasing crows, footballs, finding other dogs, biscuits, trying to get onto the bed, snoring, licking face, trying to shag matt�s feet, walks�and everything else�! Fletch smells of cuddles :o)

O.o.O

I also have a golden retriever called Sally and a Cat called Harvey Cat-tel (after Harvey Keitel of course)�both of whom live with my parents at the moment�L�arv is the skinniest cat in the world. He looks quite bulky but when you pick him up it�s like grabbing a fluffy bag of bones *shudders* I have to scoop him up quickly and cuddle him or else just headbutt him while he headbutts me :o) � Sally is soooo depressed alllllll the time�she makes me feel sad when I�m around her. All that makes her happy is eating and walking, generally she gets more of the former than the latter so she is a butter ball doggy. It�s not good.

O.o.O

I used to have a horse, a gorgeous dark bay gelding, ex-racer (but try and convince him he wasn�t racing anymore�) called Saxon. He was an amazing jumper (he could do a 7ft straight on the lunge, but I was way too heavy for him to be doing things like that on him), good at dressage (if you were�and I wasn�t), as thin as a rail (bareback was fun to say the least, I could almost cross my ankles under his belly!) and HELL to control (evasive bit manouvres). Oh, and he cribbed like a mother fucker too�once he was cribbing his door so hard he pulled the whole frame out of it�s hole and escaped for a wander round the yard. I spent the whole time I owned him being totally irresponsible and crap, while my Mom was a stable-cleaning-rug-putting-on-feeding angel�I sold him to a wonderful woman who could not only get him on the bit, but who could CANTER him across a field (he�d have galloped away with me clinging to the reins knowing I had no control) and I was so sad to see him go, but he was never really mine to begin with.

O.o.O

I started horse-riding when I was about 8 and carried on with lessons until I was about 13�BUT it was a rubbish riding �school� and I didn�t learn a lot to be honest. I can ride fairly well but I�m not familiar with some things that even novices should know. Oh well, I can point one in the right direction and stay on, and generally me and the horse feel pretty comfortable (not that I can accurately say how a horse is feeling but if u have ridden horses you�ll know what I mean). I�ve looked after a few horses for people during my summer holidays and I generally just love riding them and spending time with them, they�re amazing, wonderful animals.

O.o.O

I also used to have two lovely rattie-boys. They were called Charlie and Taz and although they�re long gone now, I can�t help but think of them. They liked to marinade themselves in their own wee (male rats and their odours are not very pleasant), drink beer that we had left to go flat, tag team the cat (through the bars of their cage, we�d never let them out when he was in) and snuggle snuggle snuggle. Charlie (my ratty) was white and brown hooded, and he liked to travel in my hoodie pocket or under my hair. Taz was Paul�s rat, very slender (unlike Chaz who made a puddle of rat when he lay down) and totally brown with just a white tip on his tail. I miss them, but I�m not allowed anymore :o(

O.o.O

I grew up in Solihull (which apparently isn�t part of Birmingham but I don�t care�I�m a Brummie) and then moved to Reddtich (The Ditch�the original birthplace of incest according to people who DON�T live there) where I was moulded by Kate into the mad person I am today.

O.o.O

I went to a Catholic High school, even though I�m not catholic (or christian to be more honest). I think my parents thought I needed the discipline (I�m a serious procrastinator and never used to do homework) and that I might get an interest in religion. Catholicism struck me as being very cult-like (I don�t mean to anger people, but come on, Mass? �It is right to give him thanks and praise?� I CANNOT hear 800 students repeating that phrase mindlessly and NOT think �brainwashingbrainwashingbrainwashing��double negatives aside, it scared me) and although I enjoyed learning it I wish they�d have taught us about other world religions too. It was a good school and I�ll defend it for that�I met some wonderful people there, students and teachers alike, and by the time I left I really, truly LOVED that place. I�m sad my sister didn�t go there.

O.o.O

I�ve only ever had detention once�even though at one point Kate, Moggy (the hated Kate) and I were almost suspended for snuffing snuff (well, what else could you do with it?) in the playground. Yes, Catholic schools tend to frown on things like that�

O.o.O

I smoke weed�

O.o.O

I started smoking it when I was about 16 to impress my boyfriend. It hurt my throat so much I used to do a shot of vodka to numb it before I could take a few drags. Then he made me start smoking cigarettes and I got hardened to it�impressionable? Maybe�I�ve not always smoked it though, I stopped from when I was about 18 til I was 21�but its lured me back to its evil ways�

O.o.O

I can�t roll a spliff free-hand to save my life�thank god for rolling mats!

O.o.O

I don�t drink�anymore. I can�t count how many fools I�ve made of myself, and I�m NEVER doing it again. I do NOT need it to be bubbly. And I definitely do NOT need to pass out on front lawns anymore�I definitely do NOT need to see what strange and amazing colour my puke is coming up this time�I do NOT ever want to sit on a slug again in my LIFE!

O.o.O

I drive a dented Ford Ka�none of the dents are my fault. One was from an old guy who reversed into it (and never owned up) and the other is from a fucking twat who fucked around with me all the way home from work one afternoon, over taking me, blocking me in, and then finally, trying to get into the lane I was in by pushing me out of it. Needless to say, my big scary boyfriend and the big scary B Man shouted down that little prick (as did the policeman who totally agreed with me and offered to stand up in court for me).

O.o.O

I drive FAST!

O.o.O

Sometimes when the right song comes on the radio (esp if it�s something from a PS2 game) and I�m driving alone, I like to pretend I�m a rally driver (always when I�m on my own�I scare MYSELF so I wouldn�t want to have a heart attack on my concience)

O.o.O

I scream �Wheeeeeeee!� as I drive round corners�and I talk to other drivers (talk/scream at�), I need a loudspeaker really.

O.o.O

I�m terrified of crashing into something and at every available opportunity my overactive imagination likes to show me what could happen if I clipped the curb/look in my rearview for too long/had a random tyre explosion (not so random�I actually have a nail residing in my tyre as we speak) and I spend a lot of the time I�m driving doing little shudders.

O.o.O

I don�t tend to tell passengers in my car the above fear�Kate, please wipe it from your memory�

O.o.O

I�m also terrified of: Spiders, heights, falling, most insects, being laughed at, being talked about, making mistakes, forgetting important things, crying in front of people, being alone (not on my own�but alone, truly alone), losing my family, making the wrong decision�I�m generally quite a worrier�

O.o.O

On the up side, it doesn�t take much to make me happy!

O.o.O

I�m a bookstore fanatic�I can wander in waterstones for hours, let alone my trawling of charity shop bookshelves and dusty secondhand stores.

O.o.O

I�m also a notebook addict�I�ve got a HUGE collection, all intended to be Books of Shadows, recipe books, diaries, sketch books, notebooks�most of them are blank. Once I�ve bought them I don�t want to besmirch their clean, pristine pages with my scrappy biro scrawl�I now have to deny myself the urge, and I pretty much always end up feeling all twitchy and horrible as I leave them behind on the shelf unbought. It�s my Catcher in the Rye�maybe I�m supressing a hidden personality?

O.o.O

I write�I don�t write anything in particular and haven�t actually written a short story in ages (I used to come out with loads�crap or not, I was prolific for a short while) but I write about what I�m feeling, what�s happening in my life, things I�m philosophsing about, the people around me and what they�re doing (this is why I love coffee shops and my daily train journey)�I just love writing.

O.o.O

I like to write with black Bic Cristal biros�interesting!

O.o.O

Men I would like to lick are: Alan Davies (as himself and especially and Jonathan Creek), Jack Black (UBERLICK), Craig Charles (yes, even as Dave Lister�I�d lie in his bunk eating curry anyday), and the guy who plays his roommate, Chris Barrie (but that one is DEFINITELY as himself�), Captain Jack Sparrow (and yes, on some level Johhny Depp, but no, mostly just Jack�Savvy?), Adam Sandler (because sometimes, a woman wants to be amused by the adorably cute man she licks�)�and that�s where my list ends for now, despite me asking Kate who I�m enamoured with. I�m so glad she�s here to tell me what I think�Oh! I LIED! There�s more�Simon Pegg (and ALL his alter-egos)�and, slightly worrying, but possibly not looking back over these choices, Rik Mayall�(who can sometimes be dodgy but who ultimately captivates my dirty soul with his filthy filthy leers!!!), the delectable (ahem) Mr Justin Hawkins (I believe in a thing called love! Ha ha, his falsetto is soooo sexy�), and finally, I�m somewhat enamoured with the Grohl-Meister, but this isn�t stable as I vary between Mmmmm, Daaaaave, and Eek! Don�t bite me!�which wouldn�t make for a healthy relationship methinks.

O.o.O

My three best friends in the whole world are my Mom, my little Sister and Kate�

O.o.O

I talk to my Mom about everything�I even told her when I lost my virginity (like a fucking muppet). Luckily, my Mom doesn�t tell my Dad everything!

O.o.O

I�d like to think that Steph can talk to ME about anything�because I�m always here for her, even if I�m not at home, all she has to do is pick up the phone!

O.o.O

Steph is sooo much cleverer than me, she�s doing french AND spanish at GCSE (and is doing very well in all of them), she�s getting great marks in all her exams and I�m just so proud of her! When I was at school I did well, but the brains must have improved with Goring offspring mark 2 :o)�as well as being a genius, she makes me laugh waay too much, sometimes I have to tell her to stop just because my stomach is hurting from all the hysterics�she dances and sings all the time�she�s FUN! :o) I love her so so much and I regret that we don�t spend more time together!

O.o.O

Kate is like my second sister�We didn�t start out great because of my tendancy to make fun out of other people when I feel uncomfortable (I�ve grown out of that now I hope) but now we�re so close it�s unbelievable. We�ve always had a weird connection (calling each other and both getting and engaged tone because we picked up the phone at the same time) but the more time we�ve spent together, the closer we�ve got and it�s like we think the same thing at the same time. She understands me in ways that nobody else does and I feel totally at ease saying the stupid stuff that pops into my head because I know that she�ll never make me feel uncomfortable�no matter how far and silly I go�I love her lots :o)

O.o.O

I like these words�discombobulated, lung butter, VOM, plinth, thee/thou/dost, goblet, squinky

O.o.O

I take books to the loo�they make me stay there for longer than is necessary�

O.o.O

I share things that are best kept to myself!

O.o.O

I love books and reading in general, not just on the loo�I read on the train to work and home, I sometimes use my lunchtime to read or go to the library�and Matt is always trying to drag me out of books. If I�m in the middle of a good story I spend all the time I�m not readingWANTING to read! I�ve started downloading audibooks onto my MP3 player to listen to at work, just to get round the withdrawl symptoms.

O.o.O

I�m too obsessed with expensive coffee shop coffee. I will drink Starbucks and Costa�s coffee at a push, but my all time favorite is Nero. They give you stamps and then after you�ve had 9 coffees you get your tenth free, which isn�t much but it makes me smile on days when I have no money :o)

O.o.O

I LOVE BEE�S!!! This is probably apparent already�when I was younger I used to be scared of all insects - probably because my granddad thought it was hilarious to make me terrified of creepy crawlies � but one day, when I was about 5, my dad took me over to one of the bushes in the garden, and showed me that if you�re very careful, a bumble bee will let you stroke it. I�ve never had the guts to stroke one myself, not because I�m scared of them, but because I�m scared of hurting them. I love bees, and I love honey, and I LOVE BEES!

O.o.O

I always want new stuff, but because I can�t keep control of my money I panic every time I want to buy something. I also panic when I use paper money, I don�t like the way you can watch it leaving your purse. This is a stupid phobia�wanting to spend vs wanting money in my purse. My stupid brain combats this by keeping money in my purse and buying things with my debit card.

O.o.O

I love TV way too much�sitcoms especially; Blackadder, Spaced, Red Dwarf, Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie, Friends, Married with Children, Third Rock from the Sun, Ideal, The League of Gentlemen�there�s more but my brain isn�t telling.

O.o.O

Cartoons are also my weakness�Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, American Dad (even though it makes me cringe), SpongeBob Square Pants, Dexters Lab�

O.o.O

I can�t watch some cartoons though�they make me freak out. I don�t know what it is, but it�s the sense of some post-apocolyptic world that spins my brain in crazy circles�take Rocco�s Modern Life for example, I like the show and used to watch it, but when there�s a shot of the WORLD�S BIGGEST CARPARK�.or a NEVERENDING BEACH�I get all shakey and weird. I don�t like the Mad Max films for the same reason.

O.o.O

I�ve never had a full-time job before this one. And I HATE it. I�m NOT suited for office work�

O.o.O

Other jobs I�ve had and hated are; Office Gopher (go for this, go for that, NOT gnawing on the desk legs and making dams in the ladies toilets) - I spent most of the day bored and playing Sonic�until they decided I should rearrange their filing system�, Sales Assistant in River Island � I�ve not shopped in there since I worked there QED whatever that means.

O.o.O

Jobs I�ve enjoyed; Bar work � you get to talk to people all day�my kind of job, Petrol Station Person � more chatting and I loved it despite the minor stresses and crappy boss, Special Needs Tutor � helping kids with learning and behavioural difficulties�I LOVED this, and I�m looking for something similar full-time :o), Paintball Marshall � this is ace and fun and yay! Hard work tho�

O.o.O

And leads me on to�my parent owned a Paintball site for about 15 years. I worked there (well, maybe not worked exactly�dossed and got paid for it more like) for many many years til it was pulled out from under them when I was 20. I worked for the company who bought them out for a while (as did my Mom and Dad) but I had to give it up after a while. It was just getting me down that our lovely little family business had been turned into a carbon copy of the rest of the company�s sites (the company that bought Dad out are a chain (a CRAP chain) that have sites (CRAP sites) all over the country. Anyway, I made lots of good friends but I don�t see most of them anymore :o(

O.o.O

I have trouble keeping in touch with people. I�m crap at remembering to ring/write and I lose addresses and phone numbers without making sure I�ve got copies somewhere�The main thing I do is break or lose my phone, which I generally use to store ALL my information on, numbers, addresses, emails, birthdays, everything!!! I never ever mean it but I always feel very very guilty.

O.o.O

I LOVE silly music! Like the Proclaimers, I�m Gonna Be (you know it�.And I would walk five hun-DRED miles and I would walk five hun-DRED more, just to be the man who walked a thou-SAND miles to�etc), I said that cuz I�m just listening to it :o) but anything with a good funky beat, especially anything cheesy and I get my groove on whether I�m sitting on the sofa, washing up, at work (have been known to boogie with my MP3 player on so everyone gets an impromptu freestyle dance routine as I make my way from my desk to the printer), in the car (I love dancing away in my seat as I�m speeding along! Wooooo)�anywhere infact. I love dancing�

O.o.O

I also LOVE singing along, whether I�m in tune or not. I constantly change radio stations in the car just so I can have a song, ANY song, that I can croon, bellow or scream along to.

O.o.O

I also�drum�on my steering wheel�like a maniac. I think that it, and my headbanging, come from the fear that people in other cars will think I�m talking to myself, and NOT getting into the music, which I am. I never talk to myself�in the car. Ahem.

O.o.O

Okay�I talk to myself. Lots. I don�t get the best responses, but at least I can tell myself to shut up without getting offended.

O.o.O

My favorite sweets are jelly type ones, especially fizzy ones, like fizzy cherry cola bottles, or fizzy fish, or tangfastics�

O.o.O

I like chocolate too, and generally restrict myself through the day but in the evening I can�t stand it and end up eating several of the following; ice cream (chocolate and otherwise), biscuits (all kinds but especially chocolate hobnobs or something), chocolate mousse, yoghurts, chocolate (milk, white and in various bars�lion bars are good!!!), toast with honey, jam or chocolate spread�but I feel guilty after all this food�and then possibly eat some more. I�m a greedy pig!

O.o.O

I drink loads of tea�I don�t even enjoy it that much most of the time but I always want a cuppa!!!

O.o.O

I�m quite obsessed with food and drinks and stuff�I think it comes from having problems with food and eating, I think about it all a bit too much and end up over-romanticising my meals and then they�re never as good as I imagine. Or I think about what I�m eating too much and it starts making me feel sick�especially if it�s meat�I should probably be veggie�

O.o.O

I have tried being veggie before, and I mostly enjoyed it and liked what I was eating but I missed�burger king whoppers, bacon�there must have been more but that�s all I can think of right now. Bad brain.

O.o.O

I watch LOADS of films�mainly due to being stuk in with no money every night�but I digress�comedies, horror, gore, slice�n�dice, thriller, psychological, foreign�there�s no end to what I like and I think being with Matt has gone a long way to extending what I watch. He�s really into world cinema and will watch anything subtitled :o) he mainly likes horror and violent films like Battle Royale, House of 1000 Corpses (and Devils Rejects of course) and those are three of about 80 films he�s introduced me to in the past god knows how long.

O.o.O

I�m really messy. It drives Matt and my Mom insane�I just don�t like cleaning all that much and there�s always something I�d prefer to do. I know I need to start doing stuff more but I just need to be in the mood. I�m really bad.

O.o.O

On the other hand when I get in the mood to clean, I REALLY clean.

O.o.O

I don�t get out much. I spend most of my free time in the flat with Matt or shopping or walking the dog, but I don�t go clubbing or to the pub or the cinema much. I don�t know why�it�s crap, but if I go out and then come home late, I feel like I�ve just got in from work. I can�t relax and I don�t want to go to bed�stupid huh? I think I need to work less ;o)

O.o.O

I put things off, like getting ready, or getting electric, or going shopping�I�m bad. I�d rather type away about nothing (well, this isn�t nothing really�it�s very important *ahem*) than get on and do the things I need to do. I think this really annoys Matt (god I�m annoying aren�t I) because I�ll carry on doing stupid stuff like Sudoku instead of getting ready to go out�and then we�re late. I�m usually always late to pick Kate up too for this very reason. I�ll think I have ages to get ready and then the time has slipped away and I�m still in my work clothes. She get�s worried if I�m on time now�

O.o.O

Another example of me putting things off is this�I have been writing it for about a month now, possibly more. Maybe I need to get more motivated and less distracted by the Saturday omnibuses??? Okay, so this is where I�m going to post. I MAY add to it. If I get to know myself a bit better!!! I seriously have run out of things to say.

O.o.O

My brain is useless�hence spending weeks and weeks writing this, only to come up with more once I�ve posted it�

O.o.O

I�m rubbish at remembering things�birthdays and anniversaries I�m good at (especially if I have them written on a calendar!!!) BUT, if I say any of these things; �Yes, I�ll pick it up on my way home from work!�, �I�ll do it in a bit��, �Yes! I�ll remember!� then I invaiably won�t. I hate myself for it, I really do, but I just can�t help it.

O.o.O

On the same tangent, I also make plans for a week in advance but forget to tell Matt about them until the night before. This can be especially annoying for him if I�ve volunteered him to come out too. He�s a poor put-upon soul�

O.o.O

I don�t wear make-up. I own it, and occasionally I put it on but I generally don�t�I have several reasons for this�firstly it takes me so long to get ready that it�s a non-essential proceedure I can cut out�secondly, I never remember to take it off before bed�and finally�my last three boyfriends have all moaned about how much they hate women wearing make-up and would much rather see them looking natural�afterall, they have said�I�m so much more beautiful without it. After hearing this it�s hard not to act smug and not put any on�ha ha ha, no really, it�s all about the laziness.

O.o.O

On saying that I�ve recently bought new expensive eyeliners and mascara�BUT I�ll conceed that I can put on eye make-up without actually being �made-up� as my skin can still breathe, it�s not going to all slide off if I get hot (which I do), and my skin won�t turn into an impression of the Gobi Desert (why do so many women fail to notice that their foundation and powder clings to their skin like yukky scales???)

O.o.O

I don�t really have a favorite colour�I feel like I need them all. I love bright colours, I love them all working together�even when they don�t work I still love them. Perhaps I was a magpie in a previous life?

O.o.O

I bite the back of my labret bar ALL the time. I think it�s a nervous/concentration thing because I do it when I�m driving, when I�m listening to people, when I�m working/typing and when I�m worried. The problem is that I don�t notice I�m doing it til I�ve been doing it a while and it hurts!! Long slow weening process is beginning�

O.o.O

I�m very very shy�

O.o.O

But at the same time, I�m also very loud and extroverted. I will dance and sing in the street, I will talk to ANYONE about pretty much anything�but inside I�m cringing and hating myself the whole time. It's how I pretend I'm not really shy...

O.o.O

I have no faith in myself�

O.o.O

But I�m always the one who has to be strong in all my relationships. I feel like the pillar in my relationship with Matt, I take care of my friends when they�re feeling less than confident�I don�t like showing my weaknesses so I don�t think a lot of people have much of an idea what�s going on in my head.

O.o.O

I�m an Aries�but I was born late in the starsign so I feel like I�m quite close to being a Taurus too. Saide says this is probably what messes me up because my Ram and my Bull, my fire and my earth, have their horns locked, constantly battling over who is going to win. I really believe this because most of the time I�m struggling to decide between caring for others (taurian) and fulfilling my own desires and needs (aries). I�m selfish and I�ll admit it because despite being selfish I�m also really really desperate to help others out.

O.o.O

I believe in astrology!!!

O.o.O

I have quite a strong spiritual side, despite not being an active member of any organised religion. I feel close to the earth and have experimented/read a lot into pagan religions, but I also feel that isn�t for me either. I know that I�ll find my direction soon but til then I�m happy just loving the world I�m living in.

O.o.O

My motto is �Look Up��you have no idea what you�re missing walking around with your gaze at eye/floor level. Just look when you�re walking round a city centre, how many people are staring at the ground as they walk??? Raise your eyes and you will see the beauty of the buildings that are just shops at eye level (Bradford is astounding when you drag your eyes above the shop-fronts), clouds, birds�god, so much more, just do it!!!

O.o.O

I�m very depressive and have been since I was about 17 I suppose. I can remember having a LOT of time off in sixth form because of it, and I think a lot of my mental problems are because I�ve never really dealt with it properly. Things have recently got too much for me to cope with recently and I�m having a VERY bad time�but I�m having counselling and I�m hoping that the light I can see at the end of my tunnel isn�t a great big train!!! :o)

O.o.O

I think negatively�especially about myself and my friends. It doesn�t take a lot for me to feel left out and often at work I end up ostracising myself. I start thinking that I�m being left out of things (like when people are whispering and clearly NOT involving me, or when they keep going off and not inviting me with them) and then I feel that they don�t want me around so I back away from them. This probably makes them think I�m being a bitch for no reason so they then don�t talk to me and it all gets worse and worse.

O.o.O

My mom used to suffer from the same problem�she used to worry that she�d be rejected if she went over to join a conversation so she�d stay away and they consquently called her a snob. I worry that people think the same about me but I still find it hard to approach people and get close to them.

O.o.O

Sadie is the first REAL friend I�ve made in a job�Poonam is lovely and supportive and helpful, but she and I don�t always see eye to eye and she can wind me up lots. Sadie see�s me for me, she lets me be me and mess about and sing and say stupid stuff and she never makes me feel bad, even when she�s wetting herself laughing at me�I love her to bits and I miss her so much now she�s gotten a new job. I commend her for getting out of the company! HOORAH!

O.o.O

I�m very messed up right now�

O.o.O

I love the outdoors! I really enjoy taking Fletchy for his walks and we have so much fun�sometimes I think I like watching him running around and playing MORE than he likes the running round and playing itself!!! I just love him so much, he�s the cutest, happiest little dog in the world.

O.o.O

My favorite season is Summer!!! I love the warmth and the sun and spend most of my days (when I was dossing and not working of course) lazing on a blanket reading a book or eating food�oh, and sitting in the sun on the Lickey Hills, overlooking all of Birminham and getting totally and utterly MASHED! It�s lovely feeling like the day could go on for ever and being so relaxed you feel happy to never move from that spot.

O.o.O

My favorite country I�ve visited is Mexico. I went to Cancun and expected something Dusk til Dawny, all desert and �Heeeey! Gringo!� and �we got pussy for a penny�.you find pussy anywhere cheaper?�Fuuuuuck it!�, and vampiric attacks�sorry, got caught up in the moment�but yes, mexico is predominantly all green and lush and leafy and jungle-esque. And MOIST! Ha ha�but yes, it was amazing. I loved every minute and can�t wait til I can (afford to) go back. And the houses are so CHEAP over there *plans*

O.o.O

This year I�m going to Canada! I also can�t wait for that�I love travelling

O.o.O

For some reason in the last 5 years I�ve developed an irrational fear of flying�who knows why�I went on a few holidays when I was younger with no problem, but then we had a bit of a break while we were poor and couldn�t afford to go abroad and now I get all silly and nervous before we board and I�m a bit insane on the flight. I have a tendancy to grab hold of whoever I�m sat next to at the merest murmur of turbulance. Oh, and I tend to have a little bit of a spasm when we take off and land too.

O.o.O

I�m a bi-polar bear�I have really bad mood swings. These generally happen when I feel like I�m not in control, or, more accurately, that I should have been in control but my scatty brain has made me lose hold of my control. Example � wandering shops needing to buy something, putting it off til after we�ve eaten, ordering food and looking at clock and realising we only have half an hour left before we need to head home.

O.o.O

I can generally go from happy to angry/upset/down in about 2 seconds flat, but it takes a LOT longer (or some serious help) to go from feeling bad to feeling good. Generally I don�t like to let people know that I�m that kind of bi-polar bear so I�ll pretend to be angry (or hold onto my anger) for longer than is necessary just to �save face��which it doesn�t do at all. Yes. I�m mad. Hence the counselling! Ha!

O.o.O

I feel very lonely and isolated most of the time. This is because I cut myself off from people.

O.o.O

In actual fact I�m very much loved�I just need to remember this fact once in a while.

O.o.O

I hate my evil brain playing tricks on me�

I am...The LOUBEE!
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!

previous | next

Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com