Hello�and welcome to my poorly brain! It had a plaster on it last night, partly to make it feel better, mostly because I just liked the plaster. You know how it is�
So yeah, I dragged myself to the doctors yesterday and I was given the promise of group therapy and a prescription for some happy pills. I�m not too happy about the happy pills but I think I�ve gotten to the point where I can�t do much to help myself and I�m forgetting all the things I learnt at counselling. I can�t keep my cool and I really can�t cope with anything going wrong right now�.this morning I took Fletch to the park and he dropped his airkong (I can�t find a webpage with his type of airkong on BUT�.if I were a dog I might want this amazing product that I think looks QUITE like a fraggle and I might just buy anyway�to look at!) whilst chasing after another dog and I ended up almost in tears because I couldn�t find this stupid toy. I shouted at some people who had their dogs off their leads (as was MY dog�oops) because they�d distracted him. I think I may have refered to it as �his fucking toy��
This rage needs abating! One of the old men (yes, I hang my head in shame) was very nice and calmed me down and helped me find it...and I felt so stupid and apologised LOADS...I'm a mean mean person.
So yes�I have to do something!
I also told the doctor that I have trouble listening to other people and that I definitely have trouble recognising that other people have emotions when I�m riding high on one of mine (anger, sadness, self-loathing�how DARE anyone else feel anything while I feel so awful�but yes, thinking this is WRONG. I�m a solipsist and I didn�t even realise�) SO the group counselling should help with these things and maybe help set me back on track for the time being.
So�on with the optimism! Okay, so I�ve not done much (any) reading this week (I�m so glad they stopped calling it �reading week� and started calling it �private study week� because I�ve done NO reading and lots of private study (of blogs, and tea mugs, and the TV�)) but this is where it all starts. Today has been wasted but I honestly didn�t mean to�and I wasted most of it by doing things with the dog and housework so it�s not ALL bad. Oh�I�m on myspace now (yeah, okay�so I did THAT today�)
�and I finally have a picture of my duffle coat�
�and I LOVE this outfit (I got my t shirt from here�ACE t shirts!)
�and this is the tattoo I nearly got the other day (I got a manicure instead�it was no where near as good)�but it needed enlarging and the scanner wasn�t set up�It shall be mine though�oh yes, it shall be mine!
...and...the other day the FOG rolled in and I had to drive to pick Matt up in the semi-dark dense fogness�and, quite stupidly, I decided to take the country road route. I reasoned there would be less traffic, which there was, but there was also no street lighting, pretty much no white line and mostly only a single track road with hairpin bends. I averaged about 20 miles an hour the whole way there�but I did manage to get these�they�re quite spooky�it wasn�t a nice drive!!!
�I�ve made a promise to myself that one day this week I�m going to remember to take my huge big lovely digital SLR (ooh, sounds quite kinky really�) out with me to take pictures of all the abandoned buildings and weird things that I want to try and take good pictures of (a challenge for me I can tell you�the best of my Canada photos were utter utter flukes!). ..and I am making a promise to myself that as soon as I get my uni work under control (along with my acute procrastination) and I�ve managed to organise my time I�m going to take a course so I can learn about depth of field, f stop and all that bollocks. Dad keeps explaining it to me (he�s a photographer when it pleases him) but I think I�m biologically programmed not to remember anything he tells me�advice, instructions, nothing :o) ha ha�either that or I�m just not photographically minded!
Okay�enough of the procrastination. On with the happy, smiley times!
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
