First of all, I just have to say�
I feel quite relaxed and happy�I�ve only worked two days this week, I have two blissful days off and then I get paid on Monday!!! Wooo!!
But�there�s a black spot in my field of vision�the black spot of friendships gone bad (my goodness�how dramatic!)�anyway, I�ve spoken about her before, but MOGGY! Argh! We stopped talking about a year ago but before that we were SO close. Well, to be honest, were we? I don�t know�2 years ago she left me in the lurch on my birthday, calling me while I was at the pub to say she couldn�t make it and although I missed her it was okay and I forgave her. No problem. Then the next year she KNEW it was only going to be me, her, my mom and a 50 year old woman (Dawn) from my work (loads of people couldn�t go�so I thought fine, Kate (moggy�s real name) and I can get drunk and boogie woogie away and Mom and Dawn can ave a laugh together and then we�ll end up having group fun), but that still didn�t stop her ringing me 30 minutes after she was meant to arrive and telling me that she couldn�t come because �her sister was upset��so, why not bring her sister out? Why not ring me earlier? Why not go and boil your head Moggy???
Okay, so I ranted at her, told her that I wasn�t having it and she disagreed she was anything other than perfect, and that was the last I heard from her for a while. A few weeks later I invited her to an Ann Summer�s party and she declined my invite�two days AFTER the party had taken place (nice and efficient at texting people back is our moggy!) and I just thought, fine, okay, I�ll leave it at that. And I haven�t heard from or seen her since.
Today is her birthday�Happy Birthday Moggy�and this is where my problem lies. Why am I thinking about it so damn much??? It�s the end of a friendship, not a �break-up�, but that�s kind of how I�m treating it! I was thinking of sending her a text or an email or something like that (and also, kind of wondering (not hoping, just wondering) if she�d thought the same thing around my birthday? � although considering WHY we rowed, I doubt she�s too bothered about it!) but I decided NOT to get in contact because, well, like an Ex boyfriend, you ALWAYS think things were better than they really were, you forget just WHY you stopped seeing them, you forget about all the times you wondered why you were with them in the first place.
No, I�m better off without her. I loved her to bits and we were SUCH good friends, but when I start thinking about how she�d encourage me to break up with Matt so that we could go out on the pull, and the times I sat there while she had a laugh with her mates who wouldn�t talk to me or involve me, and the times I�d be talking to her and someone she knew would come over and interupt and she�d let them and�yes�she treated me bad� I think the problem was that I was never good enough for her. I wasn�t heading anywhere or doing anything fun or interesting, and she was getting qualified and getting a �career� and getting her head stuck right up her own arse and of course, she was beautiful and I was ugly�
I can still remember her flouncing off in a huff (a pink gingham one I presume � Rankin) when I met two guys in a club who happened to be customers at the garage I worked at, and who had a bit of a thing for me�they yelled �It�s the girl from Brooklyn!� and then got down on the floor and did the whole Wayne and Garth �we�re not worthy!� and it made me smile so MUCH and she hated it. Oh well�we can�t all be skinny and perfect and HAVE NO RYTHEM OR DRESS SENSE WHATSOEVER�*ahem* feel the bitchiness!!!
Okay, that�s more than enough time wasted wondering about her�I hope she�s happy in whatever she�s doing and I would like to know how her job and her love life is, and I DO miss her, but I also know that more than anything I don�t need her back in my life. But it�s so horrible losing a friend�
On happier notes�
DOGS CAN SEE THE TV!!!
Not just the TV itself, but the images on it�now, we KNOW fletch likes the telly, but mostly for the sounds it makes. He loves the famous grouse adverts, and he likes kids programmes with lots of whizzes and pops and things, but last night, a team of huskies were racing along the snow on some prog and Fletch LEAPT at the tv and then stood there with his feet on the screen tilting his head from side to side in confusion, until we pysically dragged him away!!! It kept cutting back and forth from the trainers talking to the dogs racing around and I had to change the channel in the end because every time a dog appeared he Spyro-ed it at the screen, and even then he kept walking past it, checking it out in case more dogs were trying to invade our home through the TV.
Poor puppy�.he needs a friend!!!
I do wonder about him though�yesterday he got up, went into the kitchen, picked up his bone and brought it back into the living room�this gave me two problems�.
1 � does the dog remember where all his stuff is? � hell, even I can�t do that�
2 � does he PLAN??? Does he think �I want to chew my bone�it�s in the kitchen, I�ll just get it�
I don�t know why but I�ve always thought that Fletch just plays with toys on a whim. I never thought of him wanting to chew, or even thinking about it in much detail. I feel awful...my little puppy has so much character and affection, but I�ve being thinking of him like a little, random, brainless thing. But he�s CLEVER! He can drop his ball, or a stick in the field, he can run away from it, and then he can find it again when you ask him to�I mean, his ball, ok, but�.a fucking STICK??? They must all smell the same�
I guess it�s because he�s so clingy, I think of him as a mindless little baby�he whines so much and he never really wanders off to do his own thing. He must be growing up because I lost him this morning and when I found him he was curled up on our bed�he usually will ONLY get on the bed when someone goes into the bedroom (meaning that he can follow them)�he�s just gone in there now, done a HUGE sigh and then come back in here and got onto an armchair�I think he wants his independence, but he ALSO wants to know that I�m still here. Cute little thing�
WEIRD DREAMS�
Okay, so my life IS invading my dreams�yesterday I spent a lovely half hour with Kate (haven�t seen her in SO long but we�re going on safari tomorrow�well, we�re going TO a safari park, but come on, it�s me and Kate�we�re REALLY going on safari*) and we talked about her mom, the baby, labour, my work, my mom�it�was good, but, it must have made me think about her MUCH too much because 1) when I had a missed call off her this morning I PANICKED!!! �labour!� I thought! �BABY!!!� I thought�but I was wrong, she just wanted to go on Safari�and�2) last night I had a dream about her�this is how weird it was�
Kate was in hospital in labour and I knew�how did I know??? My own belly had inflated and I was wearing a hospital smock/nightie thing (sympathetic pregnancy to the EXTREME) and I was telling Matt that Kate was in labour. He asked how I knew and I just yelled �LOOK AT ME!!! How else would this happen???��so the next thing I know, Matt is pushing me up the road in a wheelchair (I�m still wearing the green smock thing (hmmm, maybe I�ve just been watching too much Green Wing?) and I mean literally, pushing me up the road�on the road. There were no cars and it was all a bit �24 days later� and all I can remember is holding my hands over my stomach as I felt a contraction. It was WEIRD�I think I honestly DID feel it! I can remember the tightness of it and feeling my muscles clenching under my hands. It really scared me�and so yes, when I had a missed call off her I freaked out thinking that my dream really HAD meant something!
* Okay�we�re a little worried she�ll go into labour in the lion enclosure or something...well, IN my car, but whilst my car is in the lion enclosure...but we have THIS scenario worked out incase it happens�
�I will SPEED through the park�
�the park wardens will chase us and beep and yell through their loudspeakers�
�we will dodge rhinos�
�we will shout back at the wardens �PREGNANT LADY GIVING LABOUR�I MEAN�GIVING BIRTH!��
�and they will shout WOAH! And give us an escort through the park�
�and we will drive ALL over the grass, bouncing around�
�and we will reach an animal enclosure, and Kate will be laid down in the hay to give birth�
�and then Steve Erwin will appear and yell �wow! Look at this little beauty!��
�and then he will grab kate by the ankle and drag her towards him yelling �WOAH! SHE�S AN ANGRY �LIL BUGGAH!��
�and then Kate will twist round and go all �YOUR MOTHER DARNS SOCKS IN HELL� exorcist BIATCH on his ass�
So, I think we have a plan!�we were on the phone for an hour this morning�and that was just a taste of our general conversation!
Right, I have some other stuff to write but that�s kind of melancholy and right now I don�t know if I want to make myself feel that way! I�m going to get in the bath with Terry Pratchett (not literally of course, his cape and big hat would TOTALLY get in my way�), I�m reading Going Postal at the moment and I LOVE it, but Mr P does tend to fuck with my mind a bit. I always have to read back with him. I think it�s his humour and jokes AND he likes to be mysterious so he�ll say something that makes me think �What? Have I missed something? *skip back skip back* when in reality, it�s something that he�s YET to explain�
MWA!
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
