Something very weeeeeird happened today. Weirdly.
Kate and I had just returned from being stared at by mentalists (also known as going to the pub for lunch�more about this sooooon) and were sitting in my car talking (yes, we�re weird, we can�t go inside)�
Kate: �and bit the head off my cat! (God knows�we were imagining things again)
Me: *frown*
Kate: �no! For that is wrong!
Me: Bite the head off your bat? YOU CAN DO IT!!! BITE HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!�have you seen Little Nicky?
Kate: Yes! But you are NOT Ozzie Osborne.
Me: I am Lou-Bee Osborne?
Kate: Maybe�Oh look! A bat! An actual bat!
Me: BITE IT�S FUCKING HEAD OFF!
Radio: *Black Sabbath song starts*
Kate + Me: *freak freak freak*
And what�s the worst coincidence of them all? I�ve just googled and the song is called �Paranoia� (okay, so I�m not so hot on Sabbath) and what were Kate and I discussing in the car? The fact that I have my boyfriend�s old phone and I�ve found lots of things in it (girls phone numbers�notes that look as if they were intended to be Blue-toothed to female strangers) that have made me very paranoid.
I am beginning to think that the world exists purely for Kate and I, and it alters to fit our mood and perception. That�s got to be the most logical explanation I can think of!!!
MENTALISTS!
Warning: If you own a mental person, please do not gather them in groups and take them to the pub. Well, you can if you really must but PLEASE act as if they�re there and talk to them or something so that they don�t spend the whole time you are there WATCHING ME EAT!
Seriously�
One old man was staring very intently at both me and Kate and the woman with them (not the woman who was the carer) was actually having to turn around in her chair to stare at us�but she was STILL doing it. Kate has enough trouble eating out anyway, she doesn�t need mouth-breathers staring at her, and while I totally respect the right of imbalanced people to use public spaces, I also want respect for my right to not be oogled quite so obviously.
Were the sane people in them too stupid to realise that we weren�t happy? Not happy to the point of muttering and glaring?
I wanted to bust some skulls (and some caps in their heads! Yeah! Ghetto*!�sorry, it�s infectious) but I refrained because everyone else in there wasn�t getting as het up as we were so in the end we resigned ourselves to being sensible and ignored it�but still�
*...Hee hee, I had to write this�B-man (neighbour from across the hall�our friendly neighbourhood B-man :o)�) was making very �urban� noises and Matt started taking the piss out of him, saying that he did not live �in da Ghetto� (note�B has a gold tooth, and we respected him for this (�nuff��rrr-spec) until he admitted that he�d had it filed down and put in at the dentists�NOT knocked out in a ghetto brawl) anyway, B started getting in his face (in your face!) saying �Yeah, I am ghetto �do (though)� and matt came out with, �Yeah! Black Forest Ghetto��and we all rolled around in laughter and Matt and B had to give each other �punch-on-punch�es (know what I mean? You make a fist, and your �homie� makes a fist, and you press them together in a gesture of dude-ish solidarity).
MAN IN BUSHES! WITH BIRDS!
When I was out walking Fletchy this morning I saw a man. I think it was a man�or a large woman. Anyway�he-she was feeding the birds on a bit of grass that Fletch and I walk on and so as we drew closer, he-she retreated (minus birds, plus dog) into the bushes and stood there, a little way back, and observed me as I walked past (FYI � there is a path through the bushes, so it wasn�t THAT weird).
I carried on walking and could hear he-she shouting �TIGGER!� (the dog perhaps? Or maybe more mentalism�) but ignored it and carried on into the big field. From here I could see the he-she in the bushes, with more birds�and the whole time I walked around the field I felt watched. Then, as I drew down to the bottom end of the field (by the bushes), I saw IT (not Pennywise, the he-she) holding back its dog and just standing there, watching. How strange! How especially strange that I was on a path walking towards this IT, and the whole time I had the urge to wave, but I didn�t�I must have been walking towards IT for 200 metres before turning a corner and IT watched me the WHOLE TIME!!! Violated. That�s how I feel!
DON�T BLINK�
Blink 182, �What�s my age again?��this song always lead Matt and Chris to say that yes, no one loves you when you�re 23�it�s the worst year of your life. And they were so right!!! This, my 23rd year HAS been the worst�and now I fear my bad luck won�t be over till my birthday (17th of April�and as you�re asking, my birthstone is diamond�no, that wasn�t a hint�) and I turn 24 and get away from all this madness�
�but then again, my bad luck did seem to start as the year began�okay, I give in, I�m bowing to the morbid pressure and listing the crap�
January�Matt does something silly with some glass and ends up cutting his wrist open and severing a tendon. I was convinced he was going to die and I shook and sobbed the whole way to the hospital (yes�I WAS driving)�on the 6th he has surgery to correct this. Matt�s car is then broken into�on the morning this happens we also find out my Great Uncle (Nan�s sister�s husband) passed away. A week later Matt�s car is DRIVEN into in the car park�two weeks later, the same happen to mine. Identical dent�we never park there again.
June�My Nan hit her head the day before Father�s day. The day after Father�s day she suffered a stroke and slipped into a coma. A week later she passed away�My grandfather was a type one diabetic, hardly able to see or walk�my mom became his fulltime carer, whilst keeping up a job�I was so worried; this was what had killed my nan.
December�My Grandpa also passes away on the 30th December.
All throughout the year�Matt and I argue constantly, he doesn�t know how to talk to me, I don�t know how to talk to him�we love each other so much but we�re tearing each other apart. And my other granddad�he is diagnosed with dementia and has to move from the house that has been his home throughout his married life. Then he has to move from his home to a secure hospital because he is attacking people. They didn�t feed him properly and he lost lots of weight and became very ill�we couldn�t move him from here til he was better and slowly, he got better and could be move to The Shrubbery�this is probably the high point of my year :o(
That was actually good�I�ve kind of acknowledged that even though the things that happened were TERRIBLE (I will never get Matt�s scream out of my head�I�m cringing right now and running the whole thing through my head) that there were only a few things�they just kept me miserable throughout the year.
I really want this year to be better�less arguments and more happy times. I�m going to spend a hell of a lot more time with my family too. I�m writing this sat at home so maybe I�m breaking that resolution a little (and ignoring people in favour of typing) but I AM taking my sister out for dinner on Monday night to cheer her up a bit in anticipation of the funeral on Tuesday.
HAPPY FACES!
Put on your happy face, the one you keep in a jar by the door (Rankin) and I will do the same�I�m actually very pleased with the length of this entry�it is a girth-some entry (if you turn it on its side)
OH! I finished this book a few days ago and OH! My! GOD! Did I love it? Yes�yes I did. I loved it because I knew who Rizla was all the way through and that made it so so so good!!! Honestly, if you�re not a Rankin fan then read one of his books, any one at all (My first intro to him was my Aunt�s choice from the Library for me when I was ill one day�she chose me this and I�ve been hooked ever since) and you will know what I mean�because chances are that right now you will NOT understand my happiness or joy at a new Rankin book�no matter how �strained� some �critics� (critic = bitter jealous person who never made it themselves) may say he is becoming. Robert Rankin, I love you, and I�m not afraid to say it. You have a wonderful mind�and you look like Chris Barber.
Okay, I�m going to play Steph up for a bit and balance some things on Harvey (AKA Harvey CATel (Kitel)�ginger cat of much fur but no weight) because I have been reading Kate�s diary too much�and because we like balancing things on the cat.
~~~EEK! I have started and ended this with cats (sort of)�what is happening? I do NOT want order�I WUNT chaos!
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
