What the fuck??? Who would have thought that chicknapping would have been so popular?
*waves* Hello visitors from Romania and Sweeden *swoons* who visited here after googling for �Chicknapping� :o) My own googling efforts have discovered that Chicknapping is a film but look�no picture :o( boooo�
It may be very sad, but 15 visitors in one day? *dies of happiness*
So, anyway, now that I feel a bit more appreciated I�ve decided to attempt a stab at �ME� (not literally�ha ha ha�lets leave the violence for another entry!)�but yes, I feel like talking about me and I have nothing else to talk about! Ha ha, and I also want to share a bit of me with you (ooh er�) if you want to share too that is ;o)
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You know�I�m mental about online quizzes, especially ones that make me feel like a weirdo�like this one:
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid Personality Disorder: | Very High |
| Schizoid Personality Disorder: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal Personality Disorder: | Very High |
| Antisocial Personality Disorder: | Moderate |
| Borderline Personality Disorder: | Very High |
| Histrionic Personality Disorder: | High |
| Narcissistic Personality Disorder: | High |
| Avoidant Personality Disorder: | Very High |
| Dependent Personality Disorder: | Very High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: | High |
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info -- | |
and the one thing that amplifies all of this?�well�
I don�t talk about it on here a hell of a lot�well, at all to be honest. I don�t really know why I don�t because I spend a fair part of my life with my head in smoke, but it�s not like I think it�s �cool��so why go on about it? And besides that�
�Drugs are bad�Mmmmmkay?�
And I wouldn�t want anyone to think that I advocate it (because I don�t�don�t be a waster) but, god damn, I love being stoned.
My friend Marc (lovely skinny boy!) once said that beer was keeping him alive�and he PROVED it! His argument went like this; a pint of Beer has a lot of calories, and SEVERAL pints of beer have LOADS of calories. If Marc didn�t drink all those calories there is no way he�d manage to eat them all and would therefore waste away. Oh the shame of it. And so we rejoiced in Marc�s excessive beer drinking�and it at this point that I�d like to steal his logic away for my own�I don�t eat food during the day, and when I do I have mini panic attacks. My skin feels like it�s being super heated, my stomach tightens and threatens to reject my food and I suddenly feel like there�s two of me in this body and one of us wants OUT. It�s not a sensible response to food, and it gets REALLY bad when I�m faced with the prospect of leaving a shitload of food on my plate when someone else has paid for it. Weed gives me appetite and in the evenings I make up for all the food I�ve scorned during the day. While I was in Canada I lost half a stone�if it wasn�t for weed I would DIE. And that�s all the argument I need :o) haha�
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It does make me paranoid though�not that I wasn�t paranoid before. That�s something you have to understand about weed�yes, it CAN bring about certain symptoms of psychosis, but it never does anything more than enhance what you are already liable to. And that�s also the reason why it�s not a great drug to do, because sometimes the effects aren�t as mild as you�d think. But yeah�paranoid I am, and it�s probably part of my personality that makes the most difference to my relationships. I worry worry worry, often for no reason, that I�ve done something to make someone dislike me. Sometimes I don�t actually have to DO anything wrong, I just have to think about the things I�ve done until I over analyse one into �a mistake I made� that obviously turned this person against me.
*despairs at herself*
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I�m mad�but I bet you knew that already?
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I have an obsession with my hair being straight�but I�m really really lazy and mostly end up just letting it be frizzy as an electrocuted angora goat and tame it into some kind of bun. It can look like this�
but mostly when I get up it�s about a million time worse than THIS�(check out the lovely sleepy-baggy eyes! Mmmm, attractive!)
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You know how much I love my tattoos�
�and my labret piercing�
�and my stretches�
�and you know how I want more more more?�do you know how I seriously can�t commit? Not because I don�t know what I want but because I can�t stop thinking �Waaaa�lovely piece of skin! If I sacrifice you to the ink then I�ll NEVER be able to draw on you again��. How do I get over this? It�s like the time I wanted rollerblades but then I never used them for fear of them getting scuffed! I just can�t seem to get over the idea that if I have my sleeve done then I�ll find something else that would have looked BETTER. God damn. I know what I want, I just can�t picture ME with such a huge prominent tattoo, and maybe that�s what it is? *sighs*�Hello! I�m indecisive!
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I�m indecisive!
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Piercings are a different story�I�m just plain SCARED of those needles�
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I don�t know what I want to do with my life � I mean�I have ideas for careers that I�d like to end up in, but, the thing is that I�m not even 50% sure that I�ll like doing them once I�m there. Yes, I admit it�I�m a no good, lazy GREEBO and I can�t help it. I would like to spend my days doing different types of things, hanging out here and there, working different places for a few hours. Non-commital lifestyle. But it�s not really going to happen is it. I think this is why I�m so depressed because I�ve been a spoilt little bitch all my life and mostly gotten what I want and now I KNOW what I want and no one�s going to give it to me!
Maybe I could do it�because I know a few people that are doing what they want and it�s working out, but I�m not that kind of a risk taker. Not right now anyway :o)
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I buy ridiculous amounts of jewellery, especially chunky rings, and I LOVE them, but I hardly ever remember to wear them�
�it�s like I WANT to create this funky, cool, stylish image for myself (ha ha ha�please, don�t let your sides split!!!) but I really can�t be arsed to put it all together in the mornings. I WANT to look like I�ve paid a lot of attention to my outfit, but, you know what? I really don�t pay that much attention to my outfit past putting the clothes on. That part stresses me out enough in a bedroom with one chest of drawers and no wardrobe between two people�
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Did you get that I�m lazy yet?�
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BISCUITS ARE MY FRIENDS!!!!
let them be YOUR friends too�
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I�m not emo�but I sometimes wonder if I secretly WANT to be ;o)
�because I just love how cute my feet can look!!! (sod you if you don�t think these trainers look cute)
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I�ve seriously started to give a fuck less�today I went out in � length trousers and neon stripy socks (and my emo trainers). I didn�t even remember I was wearing them most of the time. I think I�m starting a mini-revolution in my brain! OVERTHROW THE EVIL WICKED THOUGHTS! I did have a few pangs of �Oh my god do I look like a clown? My feet ARE hideously big�� but I even felt good enough to do a happy little jig to the music in my head :o) my eccentricity is starting to show more�
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I�ve become a photo obsessive of late. I think I need a photodiary as well as this one, but I�ve got so many I don�t know what to do with them. I have more on my phone than I can search through easily, and so many in random places all over my hard drive that I have a daily panic attack over a precious memory that I think I�ve deleted. I might buy myself a few thousand packs of photo paper from Teskimo�s and spend a week printing off all the random pictures of me EVERYWHERE, the dog, Matt, signs that make me laugh, dead things, pretty landscapes and places, my friends, random strangers�EVERYTHING�I don�t even know why I do it, but most of the time I have posting on this place in mind. I feel like sharing the things I see with the people who read this and saving my memories somewhere I can flick back and make myself smile.
A lot of the time I�m trying to reassure myself that I don�t look like the freakchild of Sloth.
A lot of the time I just get this mad, panicky NEED to capture the moment. However cliched it may be.
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Fletchy is thirteen months old now and he IS starting to behave more. Today he restrained himself from running after another dog�he cried like a bitch but I didn�t have to hold him. I was very pleased with him :o) he�s been spending lots of time with me over the last few weeks too�sitting on the sofa half on my lap, following me round the flat like a shadow that�s trying to break my neck, and climbing up into my face every five minute to whine about some shit to me. I tell him it�s all going to be okay but to be honest I think he�s a leedle bit moany to be honest *laughs at the irony of it all*
I just love him too much�he�s the best dog ever, despite his lack of obedience and his destructive nature (he has totalled our relatives gardens�I�m VERY upset with his stich obsession�) but here he is�he�s just too cute�
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�and Matt�s been on my mind lots more recently�and I�m paying more attention to his feelings when things happen that would usually drag us into a row. Fair enough, HE�S not really trying too hard, but I�m sure we�ll get there in the end�he�s working so hard and I�m really proud of him�I just need to wait for some of that to come back my way�
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Did I mention I�m lazy? Because this is where I�m going to give up for the moment. I know it�s not a HUGE insight into me but it�s some bits of me that I�m obsessed with at the moment�and the stuff that�s on my mind. I feel mad and mental and not good�kind of like this�
�all the time. But I have this pace to let it all out :o) and so I do!!!
xxxx
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
