Ack�payday was my one bright spot this week. The chance to go out for dinner, the chance to get the fucking dog sick shampooed out of my car, the chance to go shopping�all snatched away by stupid fucking Barclays bank. So, I have one bank account that my wages get paid into. My bills go out of this account and so does a standing order for the money I can spend�well, except for this month when the money TOTALLY didn�t move from my �bills� account into my spending one. Now I can�t even take money out of my bills account (even though ALL my wages are in there) because if I do and the standing order goes through to my spending account, the bills account will go overdrawn (because there won�t be enough left in there for the god damn bills). I�am�fucked. And I have NO time to go to the bank what with 7.15 starts and half hour lunches :o(
Boooo�
To cheer myself up I took this�
I showed it to Loz later in the day, saying �Look Loz! He looks like a jockey!� and all I got back was �yeah, a knob jockey!��which amused me for the rest of the day! :o) nah, Rich is being okay, I just don�t know how to take him, half the time he was coming into the filing room in a GRUMP but just before I took this pic he�d come in, singing �The Stripper� and had waggled his sock-ed leg out from behind the filing shelves�It made me and Dionne laugh and was infinately better than him swearing and banging things around�even if we did have to see Rich�s leg!
THERAPY?
Okay so I liked counselling�likED�I hate it now. I know I need it and I know it�s helping me but part of me is finding opening up realy difficult and I hadn�t seen that before now. Oh damn, I have to stick with it or go mad�I just hate talking about myself and now I�m starting to feel like I�m �under the microscope� like a bug or a speck of blood or something :o( boooo to me and my crappy stupid idiotic head. Why can�t I organise my thoughts and my words? Why does my conversation come out like bad knitting??? Seriously, it�s full of holes, dropped stitches and is just generally crap. I haven�t felt like myself at all recently, even round people I�m close to I can�t be me. No one. I feel like I�m always offending people, I feel like people are always laughing at me (and not in a good way)�I hate not being able to know what someone is thinking about me, especially when my own opinion of myself is that I�m being a twat. She�s told me I shouldn�t be thinking like this but I CAN�T stop�I need something altered in my head. GRRR @ my head!!!!
After the session I had to go millions of miles out of my way for a couple of rolls of vetwrap for the dog�s stupid foot�I wonder why we bother considering he just tries to chew it off and runs around so much it falls off anyway. I got a roll of black and a roll of yellow (it was all they had left, honestly�it was like fate, glorious fate) and I REALLY want to make fletch�s (current) black bandage into a new, bee-striped one. Matt laughed at me and actually used the words �what are you like� when I showed him the rolls, but so far he�s ignored my tiny pleas of �can I make fletch�s leg into a bee?��meanie!
So�I needed more cheering up didn�t I??? Of course I did�and do you blame me? I got some Kendall mint cake too�
And finally�here�s the B-man, Niked to the MAX (hat, t shirt, track-suit, trainers�and he�d taken off his Nike socks because they were white and didn�t go with everything else�) he loves his label!!! I just had to take a picture :o)
Okay�so I had a crappy day today and I�m desperately trying to be hapy about something�I�m just a bit weirded out at the moment�I just realised that Matt keeps putting off kissing me properly. He says it�s because he�s paranoid his breath smells or something else like that (earlier it was that his mouth was sticky from cr�me egg), but if that was true why not have a gulp of his drink and then kiss?? I�m starting to wonder if it�s something wrong with me? Maybe my breath smells? Maybe he doesn�t fancy me any more and only wants sex when he can imagine I�m someone else? Hmmm�I don�t think Maria would be pleased with this thinking�I am ALL over the place�
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
