Today I rediscovered the joy of driving�I used to go all over the place when I first got my car, just loading up with petrol and snacks and getting well and truly lost (well, I might as well do as I�m told some if the time!! Ha ha)�but I�ve kind of grown out of it, what with road rage and impatience and always wanting to be somewhere ASAP�so I couldn�t quite carry on driving with no intention when I felt like that.
This afternoon I got so angry, upset and wound up (more arguing about Kim the Him) that I just walked out and at first I was going to drive to the crematorium, but I thought that it�d be closed so when I had nowhere to go I just carried on driving. I went into the centre of birmingham, out onto the M6, along the M5, almost into Kiddi, though Halesowen, through bromsgrove and droitwich to worcester, round the urbs of woo-town, back to bromsgrove, over the lickeys and home�I couldn�t quite remember where I�d been so I drew myself a little map:
�I started out at one point of the circle, went round it anti clockwise, out to worcster, then back along the A38 and completed the circle. At one point I grabbed a pastry and a vanilla latte from a garage on the way through halesowen (how weird it seems to be able to do that�we live in a very convenient society) and then stopped in a really pretty lay by to chill out and read my book. I took abut 3 hours away from the house and fuck me, did I need it!�and it was so much fun! I didn�t have the radio on and there was no one to talk to so I was just comepletely alone with my thoughts. I know what I want from my relationship now and I think I�ve made sure that Matt knows too, and if it doesn�t start happening, I�m out of here.
Brain�partially sorted�I�m trying retail therapy tomorrow, and organisational therapy by tidying and organising the bathroom :o)
Ooh, in more retail therapy news, I have new trainers! They�re really cute, with a sparkly little skull and cross bones on the side :o) I love them, check �em out�
I got a really cool skirt with tattoo designs all over it too but I don�t have a picture of it yet�to make up here is one of me posing for myself in the toilets at work�nice tiles�
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Okay, I�m kind of avoiding the issue�I�m feeling really down still, despite my drive. Matt understands why I�m so angry and has admitted many times that he is a twat and a dickhead but part of me is remembering past boyfriends who have lied and lied and lied and I just can�t help be paranoid. He�s never given me reason to wory so I know I shouldn�t�I�m just hurting myself. We�ll see what happens I guess. I want everything to be okay but is that just because it's the easy way? Hmmm...I just want him to be happier because when he's in a mood he's horrible and it makes me so miserable. This morning I buttered his toast wrong and I felt like the world was collapsing in! Yes...possibly an exaggeration, but it wasn't a fun morning at all *sigh* it's hard trying to be happy for both of us.
Blah�my brain hurts, and green wing is distracting me�*posting*
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
