My faith has been restored in television. There was a point where I would (most naively) believe everything that the telly box told me. Admittedly, it was only telling me things about Fraggles and Riddlers, but nevertheless, I swallowed it like sugar-coated pills (yum). Then I went through the inevitable �and do you honestly believe everything you see on TV?� smug gittiness that young adults can sometimes appropriate when they�ve reached the conclusion that they are more intelligent than their parents.
Anyway, I�ve stopped talking about what I meant to talk about�I�m sure there�s a point lying around here somewhere. Okay, so last night, an advert taught me something I didn�t know before. Matt said that he already knew but thank you (me) for pointing it out to him as he hadn�t remembered he knew. All credit to the advert guy though. Through the medium of selling a decongestant painkiller I learnt this fact:
When your nose is blocked up and you think it is snot (not the word used on the advert, but I digress)�it�s NOT! (ha ha, snot, it�s not�SNOT�I despair) (snot has now lost all meaning)�anyway, it isn�t the mucus stopping you from breathing like a normal person, the blood vessels in your nasal passages are so inflamed with infection that they close down to �very small��I say very small as I missed what size he said they were. Pin heads I should presume, as in the heads of pins and NOT a Cenobite. The NHS direct website has a little to say on this, and now I am intrigued by what snot actually is. All I can determine in a few seconds of footling (nice word for �fuck�) round the site is that a runny nose is also known as rhinorrhoea and shall henceforth be fixed in my head as �diarrhoea of the nose��I can�t possibly come into work today, I have the nasal squits! My nose feels like a chewed orange� And when people talk too much? No more �verbal diarrhoea�, but instead I shall inform them that they have a runny mouth.
INEXPLICABLE GUILT
Why do I feel guilt? I don�t know the answer to this all I know is the times and places I feel guilt�all the time, every place.
* I have been a heavy girl in my time, now I�m not so heavy. I don�t like my figure (hate is more appropriate) but I like it more now than I used to. Okay, so, I was a bit fat, and I lost it through my own effort and perseverance, so, why do I feel guilty when people larger than I say things like �Oh, I can�t fit into any of the clothes in (places I shop in)�� or �You have such a lovely figure, I�m so jealous�??? WHY? It�s not like they�re fat because I�m thin, but my brain doesn�t realise this.
* I have a new puppy�why do I feel guilty about having a perfectly healthy dog when other people miss their dearly departed dogs??? I AM MENTAL! (this also used to happen with family members as up to a point I was surprised that a) I still had both sets of grandparents and b) my parents were together and seemed loving�now however I have two very sick grandfathers and my parents have been planning their divorce for the past 2 years (loooooong story) so I can empathise with many of the people who previously, I just felt more privileged than (interesting idea� me>them is slowly becoming me=them))
* I feel guilty about calling in sick when I AM SICK! I never (well, not in the last 3 years) call in sick when I�m able to come into work because I sit at home feeling all anxious and not enjoying it, so why, when I am dying and things like that, do I feel a sickening sense of guilt at ringing in a telling my boss I�m too ill to come in?
I also feel guilt about many other things, like eating too much food (aka haribo), spending money on things I really shouldn�t, leaving mess for matt to clean up because I�m late for work�but these are really all things that I SHOULD feel guilty for and so I don�t spend too much time pondering why they make me feel that way.
But WHY???
For Christmas I want Peas of mind.
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
