Ack�.and Eep�.and OH BUGGER! I said�when I shouted at the TV and ended up looking like a fool�
I was watching a programme called �Spendaholics� last night, which was about some silly woman who was �26.5k in debt with credit cards and store cards and a pact with the devil or something�anyway, she was VERY silly and was spending something like twice her monthly wages on beauty treatments and hair-do�s and anal bleaching (okay, I made that up) and, despite the fact that she should have had �addict� tattooed on her forehead, the �experts� were trying to get her to delve into her past to discover why she was spending.
So, it turns out she was bullied lots at school and was always made to feel ugly and uncool�now she has SPENDING POWER (by the power of Visa and Mastercard�I HAVE THE POWER!) she is getting herself in more and more debt because she has a fixed idea that to be accepted she needs to be beautiful blah blah blah
I ended up shouting at the telly��EXCUSES!� I shouted! �I was bullied at school!� (I shouted) �I don�t feel the need to cart myself off to the hairdressers every five minutes to feel gorgeous!� and it�s true, I don�t! I don�t need facials, I don�t need expensive products�but�(I said quietly)�I do buy an awful lot of clothes�and accessories�and I started to think (god damn me)�and the thinking was bad. It was bad because in the deep recesses (about 2cms deep) of my brain I suddenly realised that my spending is a violent effort to be cool. I buy things I need, this is true, but sometimes I don�t need to spend so much money on them�and I try my hardest to shop in discount shops and places I KNOW are cheap, but this doesn�t work either as my brain thinks �cheap = more cool stuff�. I buy things because I like them, but also because they kind of fit a certain image�not a stereotype image, but the image I have of myself.
So, do I have an excuse? Can I blame my need for cool on the crapness of clothes I was made to wear as a child? Am I striking out because my mom let me wear leggings�with flowers all over them�fluorescent flowers�and a t shirt to match?
Or�should I look in the mirror at my non-made-up face and my, should-have-been-put-in-a-ponytail-instead-of-these-ridiculous-clips-because-it�s-a ball-of-fluff hair-do and consider that I actually don�t really give a fig about my appearance?
No�that�s bollocks. I am totally absorbed by my own appearance.
I just don�t care about my hair.
THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!!!! (Mu ha ha ha ha!)
I watched another programme as well�it was a good night for telly (apart from the fact I watched spendaholics to fill a gap)�this was called �The Root of all Evil�, and it�s subheading (I�m pretty sure it�s a series) was �The God Delusion�. I am into religion in a BIG way�not because I myself am religious, but because it just gets in my head! I want to know what people believe and why they believe it. I want to analyse their reasons for believing. My brain won�t accept religion�I like to think I�m a pagan but when I thought about it too much I really didn�t want to do it. Why? I have no clue�I don�t want to commit my faith because a huge part of me is saying that logically, we should believe the evidence of our eyes etc�but another huge part of me is saying that this can�t be it. We can�t be born to die and end. SOMETHING must happen after this�and there�s also a massive part of me wondering if we�re even here at all but I have the Matrix and Plato�s fucking forms to thank for that.
One of the best bits (for me) was where he described the blindness of faith like this: (in my own words)
Imagine there is a teapot in orbit around the sun. This teapot is too small to be seen by telescopes so we cannot prove or disprove that it�s there. Only a simpleton would believe in a teapot orbiting around the sun but, despite having no reason to believe it is there, we cannot disprove or prove it�s existence (once again)�SO we must become teapot agnostics (we don�t believe in the teapot but we don�t deny it could be there) but we will most likely be teapot atheists because it�s mad to think that such a thing is there.
I don�t agree with him at all because I don�t think it�s mad to believe in God�but I do like the metaphor...and it does make a point...but ultimately, no one needs to believe in the teapot�while some people do need to believe in a higher being.
I am definitely booking the telly box for next week's �The Virus of Faith��and I�ll have my notebook, and I�ll be ready to scribble ideas�
Did I mention that the topic of my dissertation at Uni was about the secularisation of the west and how shopping is becoming our new spiritual leader? Oh my god�how am I doing this? My entry is LINKING UP! I have shopping above, and religion below, and then I discuss my diss which is a tie in of BOTH! Oh my god! Okay, enough of the shock�anyway, watching this has re-kindled my love for sociology and philosophy (it didn�t really go away, it was just hiding under a duvet and pretending it was asleep so I didn�t have to read any text books) and I�m thinking more and more of going back to uni for my masters�mastering in philosophy of religion perhaps? Or philosophy of science? Or, could I sit on the fence and do both? I guess probably not�someone think of a way I can do it! PLEASE! (sociology of religion perhaps...?)
RIGHT!�that was much too involved and intelligent (well�intelligent for me) so�
THE THINGS ON MY DESK!
I bet that title got you revved up for some exciting reading!
My desk is a tip, so I feel the need to list what�s on it so I can organise it better (do NOT ask)�
* Bagpuss�he has pens in him, or he�s meant to have. I need to relocate the pens.
* Grumpy the dwarf (and a grumpy mug�with cold tea in it)�kate bought me these for a present once, I�m sure it was her�what was she trying to say?
* Ralph the Rodent (I�m sure he�s a mouse but that�s not alliteration)
* Buddha�so I can rub his belly and win the lottery tomorrow
* COOKIES!!!! Mmmmm, breakfast food�.
* A new calendar (it�s the left hand one) that is too big so I�m having to put the picture part going up the wall, and the dates part lying flat on my desk�which is easier to write on anyhow!
* Photos of me being a fat person�to prove that I was and to cure my guilt.
* Cubes�this was the main reason for this little bit�so I could tell you about the cubes in more detail�or about my evil anyway. I just did a VERY cruel thing�first I held the cube the right way up�then I rotated it 90 degrees and watched Scoop (stick man with dog�oh, eew! He has a dog and he�s called scoop! Like poop-a-scoop! Yuk) fall into a heap at the bottom (which was once the side) of the screen. Then, as he got up, I turned it again�and again�.and again, til he was back the right way up. First he went and pressed against the wall (maybe checking it wasn�t going to become the floor again?)�then he was sick in little stick man style. Then he yelled at me (I knew this because there were little lines coming out of his head). Then he shook his fist at me. Then he did some kung fu, just in case I hadn�t quite gotten his message. I am predicting strange nightmares tonight�with possible attack scenes in them�
Commissioned from:
Last Lemon Productions!
